Boris is twisting my melons man

Coronavirus is very clever. Its like a vampire, it comes out at night to strike. According to our Prime Minister Boris Johnson come 10pm at night we all have to leave the pub, restaurant or takeaway and head home before Covid attacks us. Fear not though, you can come back out again at 5am as if just like a vampire when the sun rises Covid disappears into the shadows again.

You really couldn’t make it up could you? The government that swept into power in December 2019 winning in towns and cities that had never voted Conservative before have now conducted that many u turns we all have twisted blood.

Remember when we were told to stay 2m apart only then for us to be told stay 1m plus/ish/maybe apart just after thousands of businesses had placed stickers everywhere telling us to stay 2m apart? If your telling millions of people what to do, at least be clear in what you are telling them. Stick to 2m don’t start splitting hairs over a few centimetres.

Back to the virus for one moment. Its such a clever thing that it works differently in different countries within the Union. The minute it travels into Gretna it takes on a different form and therefore you need different rules to tackle it. The same for Wales and once over the Irish Sea and into Northern Ireland. Maybe just maybe that’s what you get with devolution and each government has to be seen to justify their own existence and flex their political muscles rather than come together as one voice.

In August “Dishy Rishi” Sunak the man in charge of the purse strings told us all to “Eat out to help out” and he paid for half the tab which was awfully nice of him. Millions returned to splash the cash, fill their faces and confidence increased within the population that you could socialise without Coronavirus spoiling your meal out.

Then in September the rug was pulled from under businesses and the population when the moto became “Drink up and piss off by 10pm” because Boris realised the virus was a vampire and came out to kill after dark. I wonder if Boris had thought it through though (we all know that answer). Come 10pm in towns and cities people flood out onto the streets and all fight for transport home. So the streets are full of people getting into taxis or flooding the train station platforms. Do you reckon social distancing was adhered to?

During lockdown there was a community spirit flowing through suburbia with people being neighbourly shopping for their elderly neighbours or looking out for each other through the pandemic. Every Thursday evening people went out onto their doorsteps to “Clap for carers”. Once the clapping was finished people would chat to their neighbours, people who they didn’t even recognise previously if they bumped into each other in the shops. Remember the VE Day celebrations with street parties and barbeques? Then come September we were told forget that and now you need to “Snitch on your neighbour” by reporting them to the already overstretched police service for having friends round for a beer and a chat.

Schools opened their doors in September and your child was allowed to sit with 29 other children in a hot, sweaty classroom for hours on end but those same kids couldn’t play out in the open air in a park with just 6 of their mates. Figure that one out!

Schools are like petri dishes they are breading grounds for bugs, colds and head lice. I’ve never understood why teachers hate opening the windows to allow fresh air into the building? My memories of picking my children up from primary school are of condensation dripping down the windows, kids coming out with cheeks as red as Aunt Sally in Worzel Gummidge not to mention the sweaty bodies. You would say that is the perfect breeding ground for a pandemic yet when out in the fresh air those same children cant play a 5 a side football game.

In Bolton where I live there is a local lockdown so the pubs and restaurants can only provide takeaway service and no one is allowed to go into others homes. Yet as I drive down the road to Swinton where my father lives the pubs are open (only until 10pm remember) with customers enjoying a drink or three inside the building. There are so many different rules for different areas is it any wonder the general population are confused?

There are now so many local lockdowns soon the whole of England will have a national lockdown without one being officially implemented by Boris.

Fans returning to sporting events has been put on hold again due to the rise in cases. This means I cannot drive in the safety of my own car to a football ground where I would sit apart from the next fan in the open air then walk through a one way system back to my car where I would drive home without coming into contact with anyone. Yet I can go to the pub (in the next town remember as Bolton is in local lockdown) and sit there drinking from glasses that may not have been cleaned properly breathing in the same air as others. Is it me or does that second scenario seem more risky than the first?

I could go on but you get where I’m coming from. Confusion and u turns galore reign supreme in the UK with no sign of things changing.

Is it too simplistic to just use common sense? Wash your hands, sanitise, wear a mask when needed and generally think before you act. Forget whether 1m or 1m and a bit, stay 2m apart. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from a supervisor at work was “Keep it simple stupid” If in doubt think KISS and you stand a better chance of getting through this pandemic.

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